Letter to a Clipper Manufacturer

August 2, 1992

XYZ Clipper Corporation

To Whom It May Concern:

Enclosed is your rechargable beard and mustache trimmer, or all the pieces I could find. It is broken.

I broke it by throwing it against the floor as hard as I could.

The trimmer was not fit for any other use. The charger pins were hopelessly misaligned, so it was physically impossible to connect the power cord.

I have to give you credit: you make the cases pretty strong. Even after jumping up and down on it, it still didn't smash as well as I had hoped.

I realize the misalignment could have been repaired. But I remembered how satisfying it was to smash the last trimmer I bought from you, so I went ahead and smashed this one too.


The last one was battery powered. If I put in three brand-new alkalines and let the unit sit unused, the batteries would be stone-cold dead after two weeks. I got tired of buying new batteries, so I smashed the trimmer.

Again, sorry.

I suppose that, technically speaking, I may have violated some obscure terms of your warranty. Furthermore, if I was dumb enough to buy another trimmer from you after seeing the obvious design flaws of the original, then maybe I deserve whatever I get. But it just breaks my heart to see such poor quality control. That's why I smashed your trimmers.

But don't worry — I won't destroy any more of your products.


Earl Vickers

back to the Earl Vickers Museum of Conceptual Art