Boring Bedtime Stories: An Anthology for Insomniacs
by Earl Vickers
Your submissions are requested!
Over 50 million Americans suffer from insomnia. When sleeplessness strikes, even people who seldom make time for reading may resort to the printed word.
Unfortunately, most literature is intentionally designed to be interesting, thereby keeping the reader awake and defeating the whole purpose. Well-meaning writing instructors encourage the use of fascinating characters, memorable settings and strong plots. Writing classes teach the importance of crisp, vivid writing, with a minimum of wordiness, redundancy and gratuitous tedium.
This style of writing may have its place in certain genres, but it is simply not appropriate for the seriously sleep-deprived. Insomniacs often complain bitterly about such books: “It was a real page-turner!” “I couldn't put it down!” And so on.
It's time to give sleepless people the kind of book they've been yawning for. While the marketplace does include a number of tiresome novels and story collections, the boredom is generally unintentional and unexploited. The unwillingly wide-awake are forced to rely upon reviews and word-of-mouth to find books with the desired degree of dullness.
Boring Bedtime Stories will beat its weary readers into unconsciousness using verbiage scientifically designed to be lifeless, monotonous, repetitious, interminable, trite, prosaic, repetitious, vapid, drab and so on. Style, if not plot, may be reminiscent of life insurance policies or Huey P. Long's 15-1/2 hour filibuster full of cooking recipes and pointless anecdotes.
There are degrees of boredom, from slightly dull to sleep inducing and all the way to annoyingly, painfully boring. This book will endeavor to stay somewhere in the moderate, sleep-inducing, range — neither too irritating nor overly interesting. I want to bore the reader to sleep, not to tears. As a writer, I believe I am playing to my strengths here.
In addition to the stories I will write specifically for this project, material will be solicited via the internet and various writers’ publications. Famous authors will also be approached and asked to contribute their own boring bedtime stories.
- Dr. Yawn
- Smiley the Bunny