Some miscellaneous notes I took during life coaching sessions...

 

•  It's not doing things that makes you tired, it's the resistance
  
  •  What would my life be like without resistance?
  •  What if I could make the same decisions, but with less struggle?
  •  Let myself be pulled by a vision, instead of dragging myself
  •  Practice turning on inspiration for short periods of time
    •  Then notice the resistance
    •  Observe it, be with it, see what I can find out about it

     

•  Power is the ability to accomplish what you want
  
  •  "I'm going to do this."
  •  Make promises
  •  Declare what I'm committed to
  •  Make it happen
  •  Keep my word
  •  Use the power of words to declare an outcome

 

•  Commitment
  
  •  Essential to getting things done
  •  But I have a fear of commitment
    •  Fear of being make a liar by committing to things that might turn out not to be possible
    •  Fear of being stuck with a bad decision if things change
  •  Commitment = "What am I willing to stand for?", not "What do I feel like?"
  •  If commitment sounds too scary, consider "Totally committed, with boundaries"
    •  Be fully invested, totally committed, up to some point that I get to define
  •  Commit to something, if only for the value of practicing being committed and gaining power
  •  Don't beat myself up if I fail
    •  It's like with meditation — try to follow the breath, knowing that eventually you will fail
    •  Keep coming back to it, gently returning to your mission, keeping your goal in the foreground of awareness
  •  Commitment and discipline can be gentle and steady things, not like a gun pointed at your head
  •  I make commitments and keep them because I want to
  •  Decisions involve letting something go
    •  What am I willing to let go of to get what I want?
    •  Better to focus on what I want to move toward than what I'll be giving up

     

•  Continual Assessment

• I tend to kill projects by continually assessing whether they're worthwhile
•  I continually throw them to the dogs to see if they'll survive
•  Assessment has its place
•  But is there a time to put assessment aside?
•  Continual assessment can keep me from committing
•  I waste time continually evaluating whether this action or project is the best use of my time
•  Stop the ongoing assessment when it's time to be motivated and continue the project
•  Once I make a decision, I don't have to think about it any more
•  Even if it turns out not to be the greatest project in the world, there's value in completing it
•  Be committed and take action
•  Instead of doubting whether you can make something work, is there another belief that might be more powerful?

 

•  I often lose touch with my motivation, enthusiasm and engagement

•  What would I work on if I didn't need the money?
•  Motivation is not this magical thing that I have or don't have
•  I have to feed it more than I kill it
•  How to feed it?...
  •  Feed my physical energy with exercise, etc.
    •  The body and nervous system give us access to emotional states
    •  Emotional states give us access to thoughts
    •  Thoughts give us access to actions
    •  Use my body to gain access to other emotional states
    •  Use my curiosity beyond my mind, into my body
  •  Practice standing in my desired future
  •  Practice standing in a place of enthusiasm
    •  Notice what happens with my body and mind
    •  Notice any resistance
    •  Why does my survival mechanism not allow enthusiasm?
    •  My essence = coming up with cool ideas

     

•  Meditation can be helpful
  
  •  Get in touch with who I really am, aside from my ego
  •  Clarity
  •  Self-observation
  •  Live in the moment
  •  Loss of fear

 

•  Things that get in the way of my being productive
  
  •  Fear and negativity
    •  Focus on what I want, not what I don't want
    •  See if I can catch myself in the moment when I'm focusing on what I don't want
    •  Shift to focusing on what I want to do next
    •  Notice things that leak your power, and do less of those things
      
•  Boredom with things that seem too easy
  •  Things I've done before
•  Frustration with things that seem too hard or wrong
  •  The more I cling to how things should be ("it shouldn't be like this"), the less resilient I am, and the fewer choices I have
  •  Don't put energy into hating stuff
•  Short attention span
  •  I have a tendency to "follow the shiny thing"
  •  I pursue my random and wandering curiosity
  •  Note whether this is an auto-pilot choice or a big-picture choice
•  I tend to want to work alone
  •  Evaluate the costs and payoffs of that
  •  Make an advance list of the people I might want to thank when the project's done
•  When things are not working...
  •  Add integrity
  •  What am I resisting?
  •  What conversations am I avoiding?
  •  Where am I staying safe?

   

•  Strategizing
  
  •  I tend to employ a strategy of always looking for a strategy for solving my problems
    •  a system that will give me all the answers or automatically fix everything
  •  Does the strategy of finding a strategy become a distraction?
  •  Instead of searching for the optimal strategy, how about just being more present?
  •  Be with the problem, stay in the struggle of it, instead of immediately coming up with a strategy for fixing it and making everything all better

 

•  Exercise: Let others mirror my essence
  
  1.  Make a list of 10 people to ask
  2.  Ask: "What shows up when I do, and what qualities do I bring to a room?"
  3.  If they say something negative, this is my Survival Mechanism, not my essence — cross it out
  4.  Collect them, and see which ideas repeatedly show up
•  Mine were:
  1. calm / quiet / clarity / peace / introspection
  2. humor / fun / wit
  3. intelligence / curiosity / observing
  4. odd / non-conformist / unique
  5. sensitivity / compassion / presence / attentiveness
•  Compare to my top results from the Authentic Happiness VIA Signature Strengths Survey:
  1. Creativity, ingenuity and originality
  2. Judgment, critical thinking, open-mindedness
  3. Love of learning
  4. Curiosity and interest in the world
  5. Forgiveness & mercy
  6. Humor
•  Practice seeing other people as their essence, not their survival mechanism
•  Choose to play the game of inviting essence — show up as who I am

 

•  "Settling"

•  I tend to insist on the optimal solution, the perfect partner, the best shopping choice, etc.
•  Or else I feel like I've settled for something sub-optimal
•  "Settling" is just a word
•  Consider declaring myself satisfied with my choice, instead of continually second-guessing it
•  Compare to the positive psychology article about "satisficing" vs. optimizing
  •  Make myself happy by finding a good choice rather than making myself miserable searching for the "best" choice
•  I have a pattern of dissatisfaction — a lot of resistance to really being satisfied

 

•  Relationship

•  Keep showing up and being what I'm committed to
•  Be the change I want to see

Many of the above notes & concepts courtesy of Todd Phillips at Whose Life Is It Anyway?

Go back to the Help for the Attitudinally Challenged page.