INSPIRATIONAL
Paul Hawken's Commencement Address to the Class of 2009
Direct, naked, taut, honest, passionate, lean, shivering, startling, and graceful.
COMPARATIVE
BIOGRAPHY
Things
Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age
Enter
an age and see a list of accomplishments performed at that age.
POLITICS
Election
Watch
A study
of the Diebold touch-screen voting system by Princeton University shows
that a computer virus can be introduced into one machine and spread
to others,
undetectably stealing a few votes here, a few votes there.
Read
the Princeton study and see the demonstration video
Read
the story on Salon.com.
 I guess there's pretty widespread agreement at this point, to the extent that few people now admit to having voted for him twice.
Anyway, a few of his accomplishments:
- Didn't
want to hear about terrorism until after 9/11
- Used 9/11
as an excuse to go after Iraq
- Let bin
Laden escape
- Lied about
WMDs to justify the war
- Failed to
plan for the aftermath of the war
- Turned Saddam's
den of torture into our den of torture
- Appointed
a political hack to head FEMA
- Botched
the recovery effort in New Orleans
- Cut taxes
on the wealthy while running up a huge deficit
- Illegally
used secret branches of government to spy on the American people
Education Watch
Letter to the Superintendent of Schools
Educating America's future prison inmates
No
Child Left Unbored
Destroying the
love of learning, one kid at a time
CONCEPTUAL
ART PROJECTS
The "I
Hate My Life" Project
 Smiling/Frowning
Mona Lisa
This is a hybrid image in which Mona Lisa is smiling when you're up close
and frowning when you're far away (or looking at a thumbnail).
The
Clockworks Project
An
online diary of what I was doing and thinking
each time a random timer beeped
Incorporating
Dogs into Art
The
Dollar Project
I
distributed dozens of dollar bills rubber-stamped with messages asking
for return of the dollar or information as to its whereabouts
MISCELLANEOUS
Photos of recently
discovered Crap Circles,
strange circular feces formations.
 Photos of Fort
Ord and the Impossible City
Message
Found in a Rat
 Belch Beer
So good, you'll want to taste it twice.
SHORT
STORIES
"A
Dollar for Your Soul"
A good introduction to Ponzi™ schemes and the madness of crowds. Based
on a true story about a high-school soul-selling pyramid scheme,
this story originally appeared in Marion Zimmer Bradley's Fantasy
Magazine. A Russian
translation was done by Andrei
Novikov and published in December
1993 in Yesly ("If") magazine, which has been voted Europe's best
science fiction magazine. Since its circulation in 1993 eclipsed
that of MZBFM,
it appears that far more people have read this story in a Russian
translation
I
knew nothing
about
"The
Talking Cat"
A very short, allegedly true, story.
Boring Bedtime
Stories: An Anthology for Insomniacs
A collection of stories
designed to be as uninteresting as possible — your contributions
are requested.
"The
Girl Scout Cookie Project"
What
happens when your local scout troop goes on strike and refuses
to sell
cookies containing trans fatty acids (TFAs)?
"The
Vision Vine" 
A short story about virtual
reality and entheogens, originally published in Whole Earth
Review.
It's also about tribal cultures in conflict with modern civilization.
The magazine Transdimension
Vista published a Japanese
translation without my knowledge
or permission, so
I'm using this graphic without their permission. (Also see Google's
translation of
the Japanese version back to English.) The story
was then translated
into Russian (from the English version, of course) and published
in the May 2002 issue of Yesly
magazine.
"DreamNet"
An unpublished story about dreaming and networks. No one has bothered
translating this.
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HELP FOR
THE ATTITUDINALLY CHALLENGED
Powerful
technologies for coping with chronic negativity
Improv, Aikido,
meditation, etc.
TECHNOLOGY
 ChatterBlocker is
a new software program that uses digital audio technology to neutralize
unwanted conversations so you can focus on your work, not your coworkers.
 Treadmill Meditation is now available from the iTunes Store.
 SFX
Machine Pro is an Editor's Choice award-winning sound design and multi-effects
plug-in. Now also available in RTAS format for Pro Tools.
 The Purr
Detector lighted cat collar glows whenever your cat purrs.
The "Credit
Card Number Despacing" problem has been solved. This discovery
untangles one of computer science's most difficult mysteries.
Masterpiece
Helper is a Photoshop plug-in for fixing a variety of common
artistic blunders, such as Monet's blurry images and Escher's mistakes
with perspective. See all the 5-star awards this program has won!
ESSAYS
On
Happiness
In
which I resolve to just be happy
The
Secrets of the Universe
A true
story within a true story
The
Purpose of a Man
Thoughts
on evolutionary biology and love
LETTERS
Rejection
Letter
from a
literary agency
Complaint
Letter
to a beard
trimmer manufacturer
Reply
to a Letter Concerning Post Alpha-Bits
My original
was written in crayon
Letter
Regarding a Software Upgrade
Reply
from a Fast Food Company
regarding
those beeping sounds
A Winning TiVo Essay Contest Entry
SONGS
A Bunch of Song
Demos
A video of tunes written by Earl Vickers and Hal Canon for the Atari Games video game 720°, recently re-recorded by "Metronome the City".
LANGUAGE
AND RELIGION
Oly-hay
Ible-bay
After
years of effort, I've completed the
first translation of the entire Bible into Pig Latin
SCIENCE
/ NATURE
Unusual Ideas for Science Fair Projects
New! My
long out-of-print recording "It's
a Jungle in There: Sounds of the Tropical Rainforest in 3D" is
finally available in .mp3 format. You can buy
it here or purchase it from the iTunes Store.
Some
short essays on tropical bird
sounds, along with samples I recorded
in Costa Rica.
An
essay on Mockingbird Song
Environmental
Quiz from the "Awesome
Possum" video game.
Historical note: I
think the bass part of the Awesome
Possum theme song was sung by the late Elmer "Len" Dresslar,
Jr., famous for being the voice of the Jolly Green Giant.
Do
It Like a Penguin
Chapter 7 from Do It Like an Animal: Spice up Your Love Life with Erotic Advice
from the Animal Kingdom
A
report on Things Found Growing in My
House
Concerning the Speed of Light
Quantum
Randomness, Consciousness, and the Mind/Body Problem
LEGAL
A
brief excerpt from a deposition, wherein I give testimony
regarding a road kill possum.
DREAMS
Near-Lucid
Dreams and False Awakenings
Humorous
Commentaries on the Human Condition
A hypertext version of
a dream about dreaming,
in which a telephone symbolized a dream. The over-reaching
interpretation is included at no extra charge
THAT
OBSCURE OBJECT OF DESIRE
Things
people are searching for
Search
terms recently used to find this site.
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